Airports tend to be a place where stress and tension run high. I mean, if anything’s going to cause you to be your worst self, it’s being stuck in a crowded, uncomfortable terminal with thousands of other cranky people for hours on end, right? To remind us all why airports are hands-down the worst part of traveling, here’s a quick look at 14 of the most irritating types of people you’ll meet in every airport.
1. The person who can’t find their passport/boarding pass/etc. once they reach the front of the line.
Ok, FYI: if you’re at the front of a line, someone is probably going to ask you to see a boarding pass and/or form of ID or a passport. You’ve been in line this whole time, be prepared when you get to the front. That way you won’t continue holding up the whole line while we wait for you to find what you need *again*.
2. The person taking foreveeerrrrrr at security.
And you’re always stuck behind them. Unless it is legitimately your first time ever in an airport, this really shouldn’t be that hard. Laptops out, shoes off, nothing in your pockets. Stick everything in a bin and shove it onto the conveyor belt. No need to make it take all day.
3. The person with 17 bags trying to shove everything into two bins.
First of all, how did you manage to pack so much stuff? Second of all, just grab more bins! Laptops need their own bin. Bags—if they can’t go directly on the belt—need their own bin. If you’re wearing a heavy coat, that’ll take up a bin. Do the math while you’re standing in what is probably a horrifically long line and take all the bins you need when you get to the front of the line. Also, if the person standing behind you has a tiny purse and you’ve got twelve thousand items, let them go in front.
4. The person using 17 trays for two bags.
See above, but slap an Uno reverse card on it. Your laptop is *literally* the only item that is special enough to deserve its own bin. Everything else can be squished into probably 2-3 other bins max. Also: backpacks and suitcases usually don’t need a bin. Just throw them onto the conveyor and keep moving.
5. The person who blocks up the exit from security trying to get their things in order.
Ok, now we’re finally almost through security and suddenly, someone’s blocking the queue at the end of the screening section, trying to reassemble all of their bags and stuff on the conveyor belt instead of taking everything to the benches which just so happen to be there for THIS VERY PURPOSE. Head’s up: shoes, bags, laptops, water bottles, trays full of stuff from your pockets, etc: scoop it all up in a pile and go over to the benches to pull your life back together.
6. The person who randomly stops in the middle of the walkway.
Look, it’s an airport, the entire point of why every single person is here is to move from point A to point B. That said: do NOT, under any circumstance, decide to just randomly stop in the middle of a walkway, unless you want to cause the human equivalent of a highway pileup. Stopping in the middle of the walkway is irritating anywhere, but it’s especially irritating when I’ve landed at Terminal A and have a connection in Terminal Z that requires a tram, 3 escalators, and a mountaineering expedition to get to. Walk to the side or into a gate area where you can stop and look at your phone/check your gate/do whatever without completely disrupting the flow of traffic.
7. The person who can’t decide what to order.
Somehow, just when you think you’ve made it past all the slow people at this airport and can grab a quick bite to eat before you have to jump on a plane, someone in line in front of you can’t decide what to order. And I don’t mean a moment of indecision, I mean five minutes of questions with the employee and a long perusal of the menu. WHILE AT THE FRONT OF THE LINE. It’s not life or death here, people, it’s a club sandwich or a BLT. I chose my major faster than this!
8. The noise factory.
Every five seconds, they’re either hacking up a lung, yawning (audibly!!), or else they’re talking really, really loudly. I get it. It’s a public place full of 52,346 other people who are also stuck here, there’s going to be noise. All I’m asking is that you try to be aware of how much noise you’re making in comparison to the people around you (and then keep it down!).
9. The person who won’t use headphones, aka the noise factory, part 2.
As far as I’m concerned, this is one of the cardinal sins of public spaces. I don’t care if you want to listen to T-swift’s new song on repeat or Facetime your mom or let your toddler watch cartoons while we wait here, I just don’t want to have to listen to Baby Shark and Dora the Explorer for the next hour and a half. This is why headphones were invented.
10. The person who eats really smelly food on the plane.
I know that tuna fish sandwich melt with extra sauerkraut sounded really good in the terminal. And it would have been really good, in the terminal. Know where it’s not good? On the plane, where everyone within a 25-foot radius of you now has to smell your sandwich too. Stinky tofu, anything fishy or with eggs, anything with a strong smell *at all* should probably (read: definitely) not be consumed in an area where other people can’t escape.
11. The person who doesn’t understand hygiene.
Things you shouldn’t do at your seat: sneeze without covering your mouth, pick your nose, change your baby’s diaper, clip your finger/toenails, floss your teeth, or pop your zits. (Yes, I have actually, with my own eyes, seen people do all of these on a plane.) And please, for the love of all that is good and holy, KEEP YOUR SHOES AND SOCKS ON. I really don’t want to smell your feet, and when everyone’s sitting 3 inches away from each other, I don’t have much choice once we all start taking our shoes off.
12. The people who crowd around the gate before boarding even begins.
Are we going to solve this problem sometime before the apocalypse or do we just give up now? Look at your ticket. Find your boarding group. If your boarding group hasn’t been called yet—or worse, if boarding hasn’t even started!!—just stay in your seat or stand somewhere away from the gate area. The more crowded the gate area is, the longer it takes to actually board the plane. Calm down. Your seat on the plane will be there waiting for you.
13. The person who stands up as soon as the plane lands.
Ok, Mr. Speedy-Pants, where were you the entirety of the rest of my travel experience? Everyone’s moving at 0.00002 mph through security but once the plane lands we’re all jumping up and ready to go. Appreciate the enthusiasm, but again: everything goes faster if you wait your turn. When the rows ahead of you are moving, get up, grab your bag and get ready to move.
14. The person who stands right in front of the baggage carousel.
Ok, at this point, we’re nearly done with the whole hassle of the airport, we’re all just waiting for our bags. Then comes the person (people) who have to stand directly on top of the baggage carousel, instead of standing back a bit and waiting until their bag comes around to step up and grab it. It wouldn’t be a problem except that when everyone stands right in front, then the rest of us (a) can’t see our bags and (b) have to
crowdsurf push and shove our way through the crowd to get our bags when they come around. Stand back and wait for your bags. Make space for the rest of us. The end.
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